"Sally, he sex-talk-fucked a supermodel into cumming without touching her, in his kitchen. If anything he's up for an award."- from the film Fall
When I was in college I saw a movie that really got me to notice just how sexy words can be, especially when they are said in just the right way. I decided to find out if words could bring someone to orgasm. The movie is Threesome, which stars Stephan Baldwin, Josh Charles and Laura Flynn Boyle. The scene a library; Laura F.B, sees Josh Charles reading, she gets up on the table and crawls towards him. She gets him to read to her, she loves big words and as luck would have it, he is reading a book with, of course, big words. She gets very turned on as he reads, and she displays her pleasure by writhing around on the table. Now, me being a bit of a bookworm, I found myself aroused by the idea of big, sensual words and wanting to play out this scene!
So fast forward a few years; I’m have a lover who is really into using explicit talk. He shows me film (Fall) and I see another scene which confirms my turn on around words. Imagine this, a wild chemistry between a cab driver and a supermodel leads to him having her pressed up against a refrigerator and using not much more than words to turn her on. She gets so hot that she cums. I was ready to try it.
First I had to set the stage and create a safe place for me to feel comfortable exploring this. It is not always easy to just jump into something new when it comes to sexual play, so it is important that you learn how to set parameters that are going to create “turn ons” rather than “turn offs”. In my particular situation I didn’t want anything degrading, I didn’t want to be called names and I preferred descriptions of what might be done to me. I also felt safe with fantasy talk. So number one, you must create your boundaries. Ask yourself what will turn you on most. Do you like being called “Slut” or “Whore”? Would you rather descriptions of what she is going to do to you- “I’m going to stick your big cock in my mouth!” Do you want sweet nothings whispered in your ear- “I will love you until tears fall from your eyes.”?
Also, it is important to agree upon who will be doing explicit talk. Will you banter back and forth? Will one of you just listen while the other penetrates with language? If you are a giver it is important to keep within the parameters set by your partner.
As foreplay you will enjoy making a list of words with your partner that particularly get the heat rising. Try a list of arousing words (lover, sexy, fuck) , or provocative words (whore, pussy, cock), hypnotic words (magic, imagine, now) or words that paint particular images (red hot, eternity, spicy). Here is an example of what one lover said to me that melted my heart and made my nether regions gush. When we finished making love I made him write what he remembered down for me.
“There is an eternity of you to devour
I shall savor the tastes of your infinite spice
As I take each bite slowly turning it in the moist cave of my senses
There shall I discover I know you and I can never know all of you
There in the folds of your flavors shall I come to know the depths of wonder
That is you”
You can also begin explicit talk before you are even in each other’s presence. Texting can be a very effective form of arousal. All you need is a phone with text capability and a little creativity and you are off to a modern form of sexual play. Once when I was a traveling I shared some sex messaging that made me so hot I couldn’t wait to get back to my lover. He told me all the things he would do to me when I returned and I was dripping with anticipation. When I was in his physical presence I had one of those movie experiences, where the words combined with anticipation had me in orgasmic bliss in an instant. So in the end my research paid off. And I’m forever grateful for those first few introductions into the world of “sex talk”.
About the Author
Jaiya
http://www.missjaiya.com
Jaiya is one of the most progressive and well educated sexual wellness experts. She works with couples and singles to help them overcome intimacy issues, deepening connection and communication, leading to the creation of more fulfilling relationships. Jaiya holds certifications as a Somatic Sexologist, Sexological Bodyworker, and Tantra Teacher. When Random House needed their newest sex expert they sought out Jaiya and she co-authored the book Red Hot Touch: A Head To Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms with her co-teacher Jon Hanauer. Together they also created their best-selling, award winning DVD series by the same title. Jaiya strives to eradicate sexual shame and invites those she works with to explore how much pleasure they can possibly experience. Jaiya has spent more than half of her lifetime training to be a somatic sex educator. She began studying alternative healing, intuitive counseling and energetic medicine at the age of 16. Jaiya strives to be the best she can be as a mentor and teacher, which is why she is dedicated to progressive education from leaders in their fields of study. She realizes that her training does not define her or her work. She draws on many paths to best create workshops, lectures and private sessions that suit the needs of the people that she is working with.
